Abide Ministries

Yes, You Can Make A
Difference

By Working On Yourself

  1. Make a list of the problems with your spouse.

  2. Make a list of the things in your life that need correction.

    3. Matthew 7:1-5
    " Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's (spouse's) eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother (spouse), 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's (spouse's) eye."

  3. You must identify that there are things wrong with you as well, and then pray and ask God, "What's wrong with me?"

    4. Psalm 139:23, 24
    Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

  4. Then we must confess our sin according to I John 1:9, and allow God to restore us.

    5. I John 1:9
    If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

  5. Then we find that our conscience is cleared (emptied), because now all heaviness and weight of guilt is removed. Instead of the weight of a heavy conscience, like carrying a container around on our back that is full, now it becomes empty and the weight is gone.

    6. Acts 24:16
    So I strive always to keep my conscience clear (emptied) before God and man.

  6. Now you begin to turn the corner. We must be sure that we are Spirit filled (controlled) and allow the fruit of the Spirit to begin to work in our lives.

    7. Ephesians 5:18
     Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.

    Galatians 5:22, 23
    But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

  7. Last we must walk in love, a fruit of the Spirit.

    8. Ephesians 5:1, 2
     Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

  8. We must understand that each of us expresses love and receives love primarily in one of five love languages. We must also understand that these ways of expressing love for both spouses is almost never the same. You can make a difference if you will seek to find your spouses love language listed below, and begin to express love to them in that way. While it will probably be very uncomfortable to you, you will see God at work, and your spouse begin to change. Then your spouse will be able to express love to you in your love language, which is what you have been waiting for.

    • Words of Affirmation
    • Gift Giving
    • Acts of Service
    • Quality Time
    • Closeness and Physical Touch

Remember that forgiveness is an act of your will, choosing whether you want to be obedient to the Word of God, and not a feeling. Love never fails.

Michael R. Smith

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